to find beauty

want to be on my personal staff?

Let's play pretend.

I have unlimited financial resources and the only thing impeding the reality of my dreams is that I am not dreaming big enough.

What would I do? This is half serious, half just-for-fun.

I'd create my own nonprofit. Now, I am still fuzzy on what and who it'd help. I have a lot of ideas in my head and heart. It'd need to be a catalyst for social change. And Jesus would need to be involved. A lot. It would be organic and creative with really cute/cool logos and would use social media in innovative and beautiful ways. It would be always moving and adapting yet would be steady and consistent and would achieve excellence in its intentions. (I like to do things with excellence in mind.) We'd have a simple vision. A viable and vivacious vision. Part of our work would be engaging others in relationships involving a lot of laughter and listening . I wouldn't be sitting at a desk all day. I would be relating to people in the community, in churches, in the grocery store. BUT FOR WHAT? And how is this so different than what I get to do now for the church?

Maybe the tied to the desk part? I think I actually like being tied to a desk, if I am honest with myself. When I was in 3rd grade, I told my teacher, Mrs. Burkett, when I grew up I wanted to work in an office with my own desk. She asked what'd I do in the office, and I gave her a very blank look back. I just wanted my own desk and office supplies. Did it really matter what I did in the office?

NERD!

Anyway... so other than the nonprofit idea... I would hire my own personal staff.

Yes. I have thought very seriously about this all week. Yes, all week. I have specific jobs I would need filled as well.

Personal Photographer: Not of me- ugh! Maybe some of me doing things... I have so many fun ideas for fun photography projects for work or my blog or for no reason at all. However, I am not a photographer. I never learned beyond point and click. It's too late by any means. But yeah, I think I'd like a personal photographer at my disposal.

Graphic Artist: Yes, I know again, I could learn these skills with time and practice. I already know enough to get by, but I would love someone (a very talented someone) who could help me with all the fun projects I have in mind. All the logos I need for work and projects. Oh! The graphic artist would have to be skilled in web design. Sigh, maybe I need to invest some time into this area, so I can do all the things I want to do for all these "fun projects" myself. There is not enough time in the world to do it all!

Cat Caretaker: Okay, so I know this is silly. I mean, I will be the one holding and cuddling my cat! But I really, really hate litter boxes. I mean, it is a crappy job. So, yes, someone who would be totally in charge of the litter boxes. Yes, that's about it. Any takers? (Didn't think so.)

Personal Massage therapist: Hello? Who doesn't want this? It'd be best if they had some chiropractic training.

My own accoustic guitar serenader: Yes, I would love personal concerts. Not quite John Mayer Body-is-a-Wonderland-- think more like the guy in the movie Once. Or when James Blunt during his piano concerts. (I saw one once on OPB.) (Okay, so if you type in "James Blunt on piano" on youtube its feast of guys playing the you're beautiful song on piano... not quite the same as Mr. Blunt though.)

Piano player would be fine too. Or any instrument really. Drums! Guys who plays drums: very cool. Yeah. It has to be guy. Hmmm. I can help with lyrics. I'd love to write lyrics! Oooh, I should add this to my Things To Do Someday list: write lyrics for a song and then hear someone play it. Good idea!

Oh, and if he was a comfortable leading worship: even better! We could have worship nights at the non-profit.

Personal chef. Especially someone who would have breakfast ready in the morning for me (I never have time) and a healthy, yummy lunch for me to bring to work. I can make dinner. I am not completely helpless.

I would add personal groomer to the list, but I feel awkward about it. Someone to do my hair in the morning when I just don't feel like it, yes, that would be nice.  It's also a bit ridiculous. After all,  what are hats for if not to hide bad hair days?

An editor would be handy too. Someone to read these blogs when I am done with the creative process, and then edit them kindly so I am not presenting myself as a total weirdo... or a weirdo with bad grammer skills. Even worse!

Y'know, the more I brainstorm and write things down... the more I realize all of these things could easily be fulfilled by MYSELF ... or talented, generous friends... or a really nice, very cool husband. *wink wink*

Honestly! I went from an idea to get something started for social change and the result is a series of things I want for me-me-me. Tsk, tsk. It was fun to dream.

first kisses

sometime over the snowed in days of december, i rediscovered the movie amelie (i own the vhs!) and how wonderful and witty and whimsical it is (you should watch it again) and sometime soon after, in the stillness of morning when sleep hasn't yet arrived (staying up til dawn becomes a bad habit of mine when responsibility is on hold)  when my brain is halfway to dream land, i scribbled on a blank card:

first kisses

am laying here... in the wee hours of the morning - snow continuing to fall, blanketing the world - or my world - with its icy fingers. i'm thinking of amelie and her first kiss to nino. right corner of mouth. left neck under ear. right eye. repeat. i wish i had someone to be my nino. 

then i woke up.

I got married last night (in my dreams)

Last night, after an evening I don't even want to get into the details to… okay, fine. I will a little… I ended up kneeling over a toilet - no flu bug, eating disorder or alcohol involved, I swear! Just a migraine. A terrible, evil sneak-up-on-me-to-ruin-my-night-of-studying migraine. I was ready and longing for sleep at 9:45pm. Waaaay early for me. Oh, but lovely, lovely sleep.

And I had a wonderful dream. I think it was God's little way of being nice after my migraine. (Somewhat kidding.) Because I am that much of a weirdo-romantic (and I have your attention thus far)—here we go:

I found myself in an older home that I had never been to before. It must have been built in the early 20s (gee, so is the house I am staying in right now…) I didn't know why I was there or what was going on. I walked around the house and realized that everyone I knew practically—family, friends—were getting ready for a wedding in this home. They were all busy and happy. I asked someone, I think my sister, who's wedding it was and she looked at me like I was completely slow and said, "Yours Cori! What's up with you? Oh and your new soon-to-be mother-in-law is waiting for you upstairs."

What?! I am getting married? My mother-in-law? Hold the fort: who am I marrying?? I go upstairs (which oddly I knew exactly where they were) and walked slowly into one of the guest rooms and again, people are busy and happy—but I don't know any of these people. Must be my new in-laws I think. I say hello.

"Oh Cori come here! We must try this on you!" My new mother-in-law comes to me all happy and friendly, and puts something on my head. All the people in the room ooh and aah. I feel disoriented, but I really want to make a good impression. I get the feeling in the dream as I leave that I really like this woman.

I go downstairs and decide to sit on the floor in the hallway, the only empty place with no people milling around, and am trying to figure out what is going on: I am me, I know that, but how did I get here and who am I marrying?

Then he walks through the door. Tall and blond (!?) with the warmest eyes ever. He is seriously the most good-looking, wonderful looking creature I have ever seen. He looks at me and starts laughing, "you can't hide forever! I will find you!" (oooh! Promise?) He comes to me and takes my hands in his… And his hands are big and rough and perfect. Working man's hands. I look up at him and I know this is him. The man of my dreams. (Really.) He puts his arms around me and holds me warmly. I am thinking, "wow this must be a dream, I better pay attention and enjoy this!"

The next thing I know, I am in my wedding dress and it's BEAUTIFUL. I mean, really, really beautiful. Literally dream dress beautiful. Layers of silky material that make me feel like I am floating. I fingered the netting and thought to myself, "I never would have picked out netting on my dress, but I love it.l.." And, in my dream, I am the size I am now, so it's not like I dreamed I was a size 6. I was me, now, in this gorgeous dress feeling wonderful. But I had no shoes. I called my mom (I had my cell phone on me, of course) and she was worried because she forgot her shoes too. I figured I would just walk barefoot, even if I wish I had my brown flip flops. (I really thought this!) A lady at the farmers supply store heard my shoeless drama (apparently I was in a farmers supply store, think: Coastal) and gave me a pair of "glass slippers" to wear, and they fit but when I walked in them they felt like rubber shoes. I think were rubber glass-slipper shaped gardening shoes. Very odd.

I then spotted someone who appeared to be my maid of honor (still at Coastal), but I couldn't see her face. So, I walked over to her to get a better look and it was a girl I went to high school with that I haven't seen in years. She gave me a huge hug and said she was so excited to be there for me. I was totally confused. Where were my friends that I had always thought would be my wedding party? Then, my soon-to-be husband, who has no name, came to me and starting trying on cart hart jackets over his suit. (Really.) And he asked me how they looked on him, and me, in my wedding dress, said, "You look great! Really great ('cause he looked awesome). Let's get married now!"

So then, we are front of everyone at the church and are repeating the vows and they are totally "unique" vows. I can't remember them, but they were like vows no one has heard before. I honestly don't think they were real wedding vows. When we are done, we lead everyone the next room (which was like a school gymnasium), great dance music is playing and everyone starts rocking out to it. But my hairpiece (apparently the one from my mother-in-law falls out and it has all these weird pokey things in it) and my new husband tells me he loves my hair long and free anyways. So I let it flow. And it's long and gorgeous. (I write this as I play with my short new hair style. Hmm.)

Then I am walking around with my wonderful hubby and I amazed at how many people were there and actually dancing. I tell him, "Wow, you must be some great teacher, look at how many of your students showed up." Weird. Why would a teacher have such wonderfully calloused man's hands? And his blond hair is gone and he has brown hair and not quite as tall but he's still him. It was very weird. But wonderful too.

Then I woke up and thought: What a lovely dream. WHERE IS HE?

 

Okay, thanks for reading my dream last night. No over-analyzing. ;)