to find beauty

butcher paper study

Every Monday night, I willingly set the DVR to record One Tree Hill, so I can meet with the amazing women that make up my lifegroup (led not by me but the other Kori... haha). Actually, its not a sacrifice at all. The dramas of the cast of Tree Hill can wait. (Aren't you glad I have my priorities set straight?)

Some small groups need a pre-packaged DVD or a fancy bible study-- not us. We just need some colorful pens, butcher paper, and our leader's open heart to listen to the Holy Spirit and bring us through a 4-week journey of intentional prayer, personal reflection, transperancy, and ultimately surrender to God's Will for our lives as we learn what it means for us... who we were and who we are now.

God is the center of everything, so that's where we started. With our colorful pens, we wrote God, big and bold, in the center of our papers. We brainstormed characteristics of God, places and times where we felt closest to God (the beach was a popular location...), and other thoughts about our relationship with God. We shared our multi-colored lists outloud with each other before we exchanged our papers with another. Yes, we didn't even get to keep our own lists! We each took home someone else's God-papers to be prayed for them intentionally over the next week... The focus was not on ourselves but on each other.

The next week, we met again. More blank paper. More fun pens. My kind of study! This time we wrote our own names in the center of the paper. And we brainstormed traits about who we are... beyond the superficial... the good, the bad and the ugly. We listed the people in our lives who helped shaped us. Again: the good and the bad. We listed our priorities... how we spend our time... and we were honest. We read the Pslams together, including my personal favorite Psalms 139. Songs of the heart to God. We wrote our own Psalm to God. We shared outloud our lists, and read our Psalms to each other, revealing so much more about ourselves and our hearts than we've ever done before. We felt bare and vulnerable. We exchanged our papers to a new person, this time it was little harder to let go of... and we committed ourselves to pray intentionally over them for the next week...

The third week, the papers and pens came out again. This time, we wrote a timeline of our lives. We all started when we were born and ended to the current moment. We made different lines to indicate times where things were shakier or more confusing. We indicated landmarks in our lives: accepting Christ, baptisms, graduations, boyfriends, depressions, jobs, friends... We wrote our lives-- our personal histories-- on the papers. We then shared our timelines with each other... it was like hearing how God shaped each one of us to who we are... the passions, the quirks, the fears, the joys.

Tonight, we concluded our "butcher paper study" by writing in the center of our big, blank white papers: "God's Will for *insert name* is to be sanctified." That's it. That's God's will for us. To be sanctified.

To be sanctified means to be set apart for God for a special use or purpose. Its a process. A process doesn't happen overnight. It means to be made holy.

Holy is the Lord, and we strive to be like Christ.

We talked about how do we do this... how do we apply the "Sancification Test" to our lives... recognizing we aren't perfect and we ALL will fall short. We talked about how there is grace when you are living God's Will. We talked about forgiveness and being sensitive to the Holy Spirit. We talked about our dreams. We shared with each other things in our lives that were creating fear and anxiety... agreeing wholeheartedly that fear is not from God and we prayed for each other. This time we got to bring our own paper home.

And, I sit here now, my bedroom walls covered with the very colorful thoughts, prayers, lives of my dear sisters in Christ. And I love them. And I love God for bringing them into my life.

And tonight we concluded our study just as One Tree Hill aired its season finale... and both were amazing. (Okay, I am totally kidding here. Small group trumps tv a million-billion-trillion times over.)

oh, yeah, i am scrabble queen!

So, I have been talking myself up as a Scrabble Queen for a couple weeks now with my pal Jake. And when you talk smack for weeks about how awesome you are at something... well, its embarassing if you can't walk the walk...

So, he challenged me to a game. A real game (since I beat him when we played the Scrabble game on my cell phone) with the wooden tiles and everything. We even had a dictionary ready for challenges.

Here's our final gameboard:

 

So yeah, my game-winning move was the word DIVER, followed by the use of all my leftover letters for the word IDEA.  I also added the S to PELT to which Jake challenged... (of course,spelt is a word. Spelt bread!) 

So this was exciting for me. I am now 2-0 and I am wondering if my scrabble smack should cease... humility is a virtue.. or if I should amp it up? 

what was i thinking? (plus photo op for natalie with obama!)

 

Democratic presidential candidate, Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., center, shares a laugh as he chats with volunteers [specifically Natalie Caminiti on his right talking on the phone!] at his campaign office in Brighton, Colo., Sunday, Oct. 26, 2008. (AP Photo/Jae C. Hong)

** Check out my friend Natalie and Obama! She is totally working on his campaign in Colorado, and he just stopped over. Y’know just to hang with his campaign peeps. I got a text message from her yesterday with the words, “I just met Barack Obama. He came and made calls from our office.” That’s it. Just another day in the office! (Cool people visit the chuch too. Hmm. Not presidential nominees, but we aren't a campaign office.) The AP press took lots of pictures and in several of them you can spy Natalie! Click here for more pictures. What was I thinking about all this? Answer: Natalie is so, so cool and I am praying for her as she works really hard with barely any showers time!  (Why I can’t be in politics: apparently, you’re working so hard and for long that you end up taking showers like once every five days. No way, Jose! Maybe every other day. Maybe. Even in Nicaragua, I was able to take a shower everyday and that's a developing country!)  Also, I can't stop looking at their teeth. Both have such white smiles.

** Went home at lunchtime to get socks (my feet were freezing, what was I thinking wearing heels with no socks when its 1) cold and 2) I still can barely walk with my hurt toe still!) and I decided it was the perfect time to get some “fighting” done on my “Gangster Wars.” [Facebook application.] However, all the people – all 19 pages of people who were online, were already heavily wounded. I think maybe there was a gangster bloodbath this afternoon. Sad. Really sad. I couldn’t score any experience points at all. Oh, and it’s sad they were all wounded. Hmmm.

** So, if you are following my adventures as a re-student (short for returning student, clever, eh?) than you know about my issues with the “thesis statement.” Well, apparently, I am STILL not getting it or something because my prof’s comments on the assignment I turned in last night were:

 “Nice detail here, Corinne. What is your thesis statement? Thanks, David.”

Hmmm. Seriously?! I did re-read what I sent and I do agree: there was no thesis statement. What was I thinking? I was able to respond with what I hope to be a decent thesis statement. *fingers crossed*

** I also realized last night while straightening my desk that I have more books “mid-read” or “need-to-read” than humanly possible to actually “completely read” in the nearby future. Again: what was I thinking? I need to say no to buying books, especially when all my reading time needs to be devoted to stuff for school. When I get home, I will count how many of them are stacked on my desk and bed-side bookshelf. Does anyone else have this problem? I know I can’t possibly be alone.

** Okay, so I just checked my 'stats' and there was ANOTHER "girl looking in the mirror" google term, as well as a link from my friend Alyssa's blog, specifically from someone reading in her sub-category, "snot." So, what I am thinking is that someone clicked on the "snot" link on her page, read all about Alyssa's sinus surgery and snotty stuff, and then thought, "I think I want to read Cori's blog." From snot to moi. Heheehehehehe! I think it's a hilarious.

That's my day so far. I also don't know why typepad is choosing to italicize all my words. Weird. What is IT thinking?

 

 

something ridiculously cool

Okay, so I am major supporter of my friends and their life's passions. Soooo check out this video my friend Jason made! Its claymation, so immediately it rocks. Leave him comments too!

 

i am not an idiot

I am going to be his friend.

I am going to meet him and get to know him better. I am going to trust him and laugh with him and be there for him within reason. He's not perfect. I know that. And I admire that he's not and know I am not perfect either. No one is. I enjoy him; and I think he's smart and goofy. And folks, he's not a Christian.

I know. Call the pastors! We need intervention because she's going down. Down! I say.

Folks, I look around the world around me and everyone loves Jesus. And it's a beautiful thing. But when asked to write names of people to pray for or give invite cards to for church services-- I sit, stumped.

I don't want to be in a bubble forever. I want friends who believe different things. I want to be challenged and to fight for my faith. I want to know I believe and do what I do because its what I believe and want and not just because I find it safe and the right thing and if I don't I could lose my job. 

I love Jesus. I love working for the church. But I also don't want to live in Bubbletown anymore either. And guess what? I don't think my salvation is going to fall apart either. It might get stronger. As I was taught from day numero uno: Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible, and mom and grandma and aunts and sunday school teachers and dad and grandpa told me so.

Oh! And guess what: I am not voting for McCain. And I like to drink beer. In fact, I had a pint today. It was delicious. I do hate smoking. Only tried it once and it was awful.

And I watched Brokeback Mountain and liked it. Thought it was great love story and movie.

I was told to lighten up. To not worry and analyze and ask for opinions.

I am going to be his friend. I want his friendship. I think I will be a better person if hes in my life. Really. I think its possible. I know/hope it to be.

A good friend told me tonight that I was strong and brave when it came to dating and men. That I was not an idiot and knew when to pull out, when it got dangerous. When the man is not worth it and is not what I want. I have history to back me up.

I am not dating him. Not until he loves Jesus too. Hello, we aren't equally yoked. God can change his heart; I can't. I know that. I know the rules. I've read (and am reading) the books.

I am not going to run away from good friendship when its offered. Life is too short.

I am trusting myself and trusting who God made me to be and I am bursting the bubble. I am not asking permission. Its my life.

So there! In black and white for the world to see! Hear me roar!

a lesson from... Tom Cruise?

Admitting to watching Oprah seems to be a very taboo thing to do in Christian circles nowadays (or maybe its just select people I spend time with?) but I have to confess: last Friday I watched Oprah. (and liked it.) It was the one where Oprah visited Tom Cruise's house and interviewed him comfortably on, of course, his couch (Appropriate.) It was the interview where Tom was asked all the personal tough questions we, the world, have been dying to know the answers to, of course. And there I was... sitting on my big chair watching.

(Actually... I enjoyed hearing his answers when asked about baby Suri... He looked like a really happy papa when he talked about his little girl.)

Yep.

So, why is this worthy of a seeking beauty blog post? Because Tom Cruise said something that I needed to hear. Oprah asked him about friendship... what it meant to him, who his friends were, what he looked for in friendships, etc. He talked about loyality. And he talked about how true friends are the friends that will celebrate with you when things are happy and wonderful and will cry with you on the sad and tragic ones. I can't remember verbatim what he said, but what I got out of it was that friendship isn't seasonal, isn't conditional, and certainly isn't for the unloyal.

I was recently hit with a ton of bricks, so to speak, when told by some close friends that they could sense that I wasn't excited for them in their big moments, their new relationships, their successes because they could tell I was struggling not having them myself.. But that they understood my pain, and knew I had to process their happiness.

Really? I mean, I didn't think I was doing that? Was I? I didn't like hearing that my friends felt that way... that I wasn't showing my excitement or *name feeling* that an opportunity/event warranted.

So I asked around. To a friend of mine who recently began a new relationship, I asked: "Do you feel like I am secretly jealous and struggling with you having a boyfiend now?"

She gave me that weird face. The weird face that told me she didn't want to tell me the truth. Ugh. Seriously!

What killed me in all this and hearing what friends said (or what their facial expressions said for them)... is that I didn't, couldn't believe it! It didn't mesh with what I knew in my heart to how I felt. What they precieved was not what I meant to give off. Because I AM SO COMPLETELY HAPPY FOR MY FRIENDS AND THEIR HAPPINESS. I say: pour on more good stuff! But how do I convey that? Why isn't it so obvious to them? What do I have to do differently so they know without a doubt I am happy for them? To show that I care?

Tell them.

Celebrate with them.

Cry with them.

Pray for them.

I used to think that friendships were seasonal. That God have us friends for certain seaons, for times on our lives when we needed them and then they left. And maybe that does happen. (and has) But what I am learning now... is that true friendship sustains the seasons. It weathers the storms and enjoys the sunshine. True friendship doesn't end because things got tough or someone got married. Things change, but things always change. But my true friends are friends for life.

You know who you are.

And thank you.

montana cowboy "rebels"

My dear, dear friend Kate sent me this email and picture last week. She is a high school english teacher in Montana, and knows of my love for the American cowboy. [Kate, I had to share this! Your students are hilarious!]

Cori,

I thought you might get a kick out of this picture of four kids who rode their horses to school on Friday.  Apparently, there is a law on the Montana books stating that if you ride your horse to school, the school has to provide food and shelter for your "transportation".  For several years I've heard kids say they were going to do it to challenge the law, but no one did until yesterday.  They thought they were being so clever and would catch the principal off-guard, but he got a heads-up that they were coming and was prepared.  They showed up in his office announcing that their horses needed a place to lodge, and he said, "Well, there's plenty of green grass on the football field; you can tie them up out there."  Took the wind right out of their sails!

As good as The Wedding Planner!

Well, we made it to our first "Wild Women Wednesday"... and watched the movie 27 Dresses. I LOVED IT! Whoever gave it bad reviews is obviously not a single woman with their own closet full of bridesmaid dresses! Seriously!

Pictured: Form left to right: Kori Weldon, Me (ugh!), Beth Keaton, Kati Hilt, Katie Rice, Bethany Miller, Tessa Howell, Katelan Hostetler, Marissa, Cassie, and Sheri Elmont. 

she likes it! she really does!

Okay, so one of my dearest friends Ang, has- over the years- given me a very hard time for my love of time-travel romances (movies, books..). (hmm) Anyways, at the discovery of one of the best series ever: Outlander by Diana Gabaladan, I recommended the very addicting books to Ang and she refused to read them! I still loaned them to her, and she had all the books in her possession for months! For the record, Ang is very much a reader.

Then she got married. And guess what? I loaned the books to her hubby Jeremy and he loves them! (as he should!)

And then I get this email: (as they are in Mexico on vacation)

From: Angelina Littrell
Sent: Monday, December 10, 2007 7:33 PM
To: Cori Fisher
Subject: hey missy
Hey cor, How are you? We are having a good time in Mazatlan. it has been rather hot and humid but aside from that it is beautiful. we have been reading a lot. i am in the middle of the first outlander book and jeremy is about the same in the second book. i really like it.

... and the email continues...

Okay, so I added the bold and underlined words for emphasis! But oh I want to dance around and sing: "I knew it! I knew it! You like it! I knew it!"

Very mature, I know.

I have contained myself from the dancing, by the way.

married friends

At my home, sitting on the side patio outside... before me: my laptop (of course), a Diet Coke (of course), my purse, and my cell phone. Gracie, the wildest dog ever, is being relately wonderful as she and I count only ONE CAT (TeeTee) keeps me company. I am listening to the Pussycat Dolls (I was sucked in when they had their reality show). It is nice outside, too nice to be inside. So here I am.

I have recently began listening to "the buzz". I know it probably makes me an evil Christian to listen and enjoy secular music, haha! My fav thing is to listen to Daria on my way home. I like hearing her read fun and amusing stories. Yesterday, she confessed a fear that once she has children, all her friendships would change. Couldn't things just be the same? She liked her current set up. The other radio people laughed at her and said things would never be the same once she had children, so deal! Her complaints struck chord to a current complaint/worry/fear/annoyance I have with (which I am sure is not terribly uncommon) as a single gal and having so many close friends getting married. (hello, I am in two weddings, going to a wedding tomorrow, work in marriage ministries at church- yes, every time a couple wants to get married at church who do they come to? yes, me. while it sounds like I am complaining about that aspect of my job, I actually enjoy it more than am annoyed by it-- the romantic in me!)

Once a friend gets married, things change. I joke with my soon-to-be-married friend, Ang, that once she gets married, she will start referring to Jeremy as "my husband".  "Let me check about that movie, Cori, I have to ask my husband." She laughed. But, it happens. I hear it all the time. Once a friend gets married it is exciting to say "my husband"... maybe because they can?? Maybe because thats what he is?? (I will do it, I promise! Read that future husband of mine!)

The dynamics of a friendship change. Friends who were so close, I see them draw closer to others who are married. Married friends want to be with married friends. I feel left out, but I don't want pity or an invite just so I won't feel left out. Its part of growing up, methinks. Sometimes, when I feeling especially deranged--- I wonder if marriage is an initation into the "I get to have sex" club, well, legally, and haha to single people who don't get have any. Hmm. Maybe I should strike that last comment. Haha.

My married friends are actually pretty good about keeping me as a friend. Thats nice. I still try to find replacement single friends as each friend gets married. (Un)fortunately, they keep getting married. ;)

Oh I am just whining. I am happy for my happy friends. I am just jealous they have wonderful husbands and "get some". Haha. Oh my.