to find beauty

ten favorite things photo collage

10. Elwood actually used his cat-face rug to take a nap/bath. 

 

9. I knew when I married Dave he liked wrestling.... but I had no idea that I'd have to watch it too. I have to admit that I still think its quite silly (he thinks my chick flicks are silly too - we're even?) but I am pretty darn proud of myself that I can recognize the different wrestlers. Found these little dolls - action figures? - at Fred Meyers. These are the four I know the best, and I have commentary I like to say with each that I think drives Dave a little crazy and he regrets me watching it with him (my evil plan?). For example, when John Cena comes on with this purple t-shirt, I go on and on about how I think purple t-shirts are dumb and he should take it off. When he inevidently does, I hoot and hollar. When the King Shemus comes out, I called him King Semen and comment on his ultra-white skin. I have to admit that John Morrison is growing on me... so I might have to cut the comments about his pretty boy look and why he always wears pants. There's not much I can say about the viper Randy Orton, except he must wear a lot of body lotion cause he's so darn shiney.

8. A couple weekends ago, Dave and I watched the kiddos... and I have to say, one of the best parts was when Henry took this nap on me. Happy sigh.

 

7. Playing blocks with Emma. I think one of the best parts of being an aunt is getting to play with the toys and watching how clever Emma is with them! 

6. Grandma Melody has made the best play room ever for Emma and Henry - my old bedroom transformed! Henry really liked that dog toy! I remember that dog from when I was a little girl at MY grandparent's play room!

5. My wonderful husband kicked check-in bootie at the Abundant Life Church Marriage event... even if the system ending up failing us in the morning (so annoying!) it was great to have Dave and so many others help out! Yay for supportive husbands and great events that help people in their marriages!

4. I will probably get in trouble for posting this picture. But if you can believe it, this is Dave's hair. In a ponytail. .... He got a haircut soon after this picture. :)

3. Every so often our bed actually gets made and all my beautiful pillows get placed (before Dave takes them off and hides them)... ahh, I love having a grown up bed! [For any Dexter fans and the incredibly observant, you may notice we have the same comforter as Quinn on the show - not on purpose I promise!]

2. I haven't written much (yet) about Dave and I's new adventure in ministry, but here's a sneak peek. The church has stained glass windows and I LOVE THEM! 

1. Obviously, I am a big fan of my neice Emma. And who does love bubble wrap? So, of course, this picture is going to make me smile! Yay!

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Obviously this was an excuse to clean out and share my favorite pictures that have been resting in my phone for a bit... thanks for indulging me!

if you told me... (warning: i cry.)

If you had told me a year ago that I'd be planning a wedding now. I would have laughed.

If you had told me that I'd be crying as much as I have since Dave and I started seriously-dating, I wouldn't have believed you either. My idealism would have argued that after years of waiting for my prince to come, I wouldn't be sad. Ever!

I am not sad though, about Dave at least. Being in a relationship. Getting engaged. Planning a wedding. Envisioning a new life ahead:

It's wonderful. I love it. I love the boy. He's wonderful. I am happy.

But it's so freakin' emotional.

When Dave asked my dad for his blessing: I was an emotional mess. Nervous. Excited. Years of father wounds surfacing and hitting my heart like ocean waves on the sand. Relentless. It was so much to take in.

And tears helped me through. Happy tears. Scared tears. Comforting, big soppy wet tears.

It's weird being so happy, so in love, so excited for the future... and so easily able to cry.

I feel like such a girl.

Go figure.

I cried today. A couple times, really. I won't get into all of the causes, except the one that had me crying like a big baby last night, choking my throat and stinging my eyes, and continued to make me cry - if I let myself think about it - today. The same reason I started crying at Gustav's over sausage and cheese fondue with Dave mid-January. The same reason I cried in Dave's car one night months ago.

My cat Elwood.

Goodness. I may cry again.

Here's the deal: I love my cat. Call me Cat Lady until you are blue in the face, but I love my cat. When I was depressed and ready to drive my car into a tree (dark times my college years): I held my cat Emme (Elwood's mama) close to me at night and cried into her fur. She was my comfort. I practically tricked and lied to my college room mates to even get her into our apartment. But I needed a cat. When she died, oh gosh, it was really hard.

But she left me beautiful, mischievious kittens. Four of the five... well, I don't know where they are today. Sometimes one of them, Eddie, miraculously appears. But I still have Elwood. Since May of 2004, Elwood has been my baby.

I know he's a cat. A furball, fleaball. But Since 2004, a lot has happened in my life. I left school, I went back to school 5 years later. I was a nanny for 12 kids (a crazy summer!) I found myself cleaning toilets and doing someone else's laundry: humbling. I filed bankruptcy, after a year or so of desperately working with angry frustrating bill collectors.

I've made wonderful friends. I've found a church I love. I've worked in ministries I love. I went on a mission trip. I fought with friends. I made up with friends. I had my heart broken.

So much and more.

All the time, I had Elwood by my side. Cuddling with me at night. Whining for food. Peeing on my new rugs. But mostly, letting me hold him as I cried or was mad or whatever.

I love my cat. And he's quite attached to me. He's the best cat ever.

And I am facing the reality that when I get married, and when I move out, Elwood can't come with me.

Oh gosh. Don't cry, Cori.

I don't know how to deal with it. Because I love Dave. And I love the life we are planning. I don't want a cat to dictate my life and future. I don't want my cat to out-beat a wonderful man who loves me and wants to marry me. Who also will hold me when I cry and tell me everything will be ok. Not in meows either. But in real words.

But I want Elwood with me damnit. I don't want to leave him at my parents. I don't want someone else feeding him Friskies when he cries really loud or letting him my bedroom window when he scratches at the glass. Oh gosh! What if no one lets him in? What if he cries and cries and no one hears him?

Too late. I am crying again.

Am I being pathetic? This sadness I feel about leaving Elwood hurts so bad. Even if I can still visit him. He's not dying.

I pray that God will give me peace. That I can be okay with not having a cat because I will have a husband. You'd think I wouldn't look at the countdown to my wedding (148 days) and not think of it as the countdown to when I won't have a cat anymore on the end of my bed.

Instead I will have a happy man. Hmmmmm. ;)

I don't want Dave to feel bad either. He loves Elwood too. But where we will be living, Elwood can't come. And where we will be living is where Dave's job is.

Heck, one of the biggest reasons I've lived with parents for the past 6 or so years is because I refused to move without Elwood.

Okay, I know there are way more important things in the world. Like poverty. Earthquakes. Wars. And I am probably being a drama queen.

And I know I love Dave more than my cat.

I just don't know how to not be sad about this new life being cat-less. I don't know if it's even okay for me to write about this, because I don't want anyone to think I am crazy. But this is one thing that is tearing up my heart. And I want to be honest, even at the risk of the Cat Lady name-calling.

If you told me now that in a year, I wouldn't cry at the mention of not having Elwood with me.. I would laugh.

And the laugh might be a good change from the tears.

no pick! no pick!

it's after 1am and i just finished my homework for the night. i am tired, of couse, but i feel accomplished and productive. it was a good day at work (yeah!) and i spent some q-time with mom this evening too (went to craft store to buy massive amounts of glitter for a work project), and checked some assignments off my weekly to-do list.

but, well, this is what i look like right now:

so yeah. this is me, right now. very late and very sleepy and not smiling because i dont know why. (i am smiling now. but you can't see that.) but here i am with kleenex up my nose.

why do i have kleenex up my nose? because my nose started bleeding. no, i did not pick my nose either. hmmm. did i? i don't know why nose started bleeding.

George: Was there any nostril penetration?
Jerry: There may have been some incidental contact.
George: Hey, it's me.

okay, george, i hear ya.

George: I guarantee you Moses was a picker. You wander through the desert for 40 years with that dry air. You tell me you're not going to have an occasion to clean house a little?

thanks george.

to learn more about nose bleeds . according to this: click here, my left nostril most likely experienced some trauma. no one has punched me in the nose lately. suspicious.

hmm. let's watch some seinfeld. don't you love how it sticks on the screenshot of kramer in his underwear? goodness.

i promise: there was no pick! thanks jerry for standing up for us all non-pickers and pickers a like. and yes, we do bleed.

aren't you glad you visited? don't you think i should go to bed now?

here's elwood: (its been too long since he has made an appearance, don't you think?)

he has the right idea. hopefully my nose will stop bleeding so i can sleep.

we'll give it a go.

good night!

why my cat is better than yours...

Mine helps me study. See how he's fascinated by the "Poverty by Developing Region" map. He helped me read and I got a 100% on the reading quiz.

 

And, he plays nicely with "Princess" Felicity. See how he let's her have a turn batting around the weird cat toy.

 

Of course, he likes to play as well.

And he is super-resourceful: he can find his own water supplies!

Okay, so that's my little tribute... *cough* .. day two of "elwood, the best cat ever" posts. Maybe Dad was right, maybe I do need a boyfriend so I am not such a crazy cat lady? (He really did day that; he will deny if asked. LOL.)

as requested...

I have been having loads of fun checking the stats on this blog. I am able to view the "search terms" that have led random people all over the world to this little blog. There is a definite theme, I think! You can check the list out for yourself on the bottom of the side column. A fairly ironic and recent web browser used the search phrase. "Pictures of a cat looking into a mirror."

I think, Elwood, the best cat ever, must have caught wind of the request. (He is very smart, afterall.) Because I caught him havng quite the little narcisstic moment the other day. In all of his 5 and half years, I have NEVER seen him so fascinated with his reflection. HILARIOUS!

 

crazy cat lady cori (no exaggerations here)

My life has gone to the cats. And I am totally serious. *total serious face on* And to make this post even more exciting: parts of this could be rated "V" for Violent. Warning, warning!

I am on my fourth? fifth? house-sitting gig of the summer, which overlaps another house-sitting gig. Currently, I am taking care of Sammy the Spoiled, Skinny Gray Cat that lives in a beautiful mansion on the mountainside of Oregon City. He left me a treat today: a very cute, but very dead mouse. (Somehow, this one was kind of cute. Not sure how.) He's (Sammy, not the mouse!) sitting next to me as I type; he follows me around to whatever room I am in. Last night I thought he was going to walk into the shower (which is a giant tiled masterpiece of a room with two shower heads) with me.

When I am not living in the lap of luxury here (which sadly ends tomorrow morning!), I am caring for four kitties belonging to one of my co-workers, who (along with her family) is at Shasta Houseboats with the church high school group. She has four kitties: Angel, who is white with weird gray markings, likes to nap and sunbathe, and has been a very obedient kitty so far, I must say.

I was warned about Bob (featured above), the neurotic girl cat with calico coloring and a penchant for clawing screen doors. Bob has behaved as well. Shasta, the youngest and the softest kitty ever, will purr like a machine if she lets you hold her. And, well, I was told there was a fourth kitty named Minty, but apparently she doesn't like to make appearances too often—too busy hunting, etc.

Starting on Saturday, I begin a new house-sitting job for the tech pastor. I've house-sat for his family often, and I and his kitties have a real relationship. One of them, (I can never remember names) I call fondly "Scary Cat." She hisses and doesn't seem to care for me much. "Nice Kitty," however, I like and she likes me. Follows me around, wants me to hold her, groom her, and pet her. We tend to snuggle and watch TV together on the amazing new HD TV residing at this house. I think there are kitties at the house after that… hmmm.

Of course, I also have my own cat brood. While, I claim to own only one of the four—somehow, I still manage to find myself feeding all of them. Moochie, TeeTee and Elliott all belong to my mother. Elwood, the frequent, reoccurring star of this blog, is mine. I am making frequent visits home, so he doesn't get too mad at me. I think he just wants me to feed him. But today, oh today… I found myself hugging him and crying into his oddly patterned black and white fur.

So, now to the traumatic moment of my day... *deep breath* (This is the part that may be rated "V.")

After work, I drove to my real home, grabbed some things, got the mail, cuddled Elwood, and then left to go to Angel/Bob/Shasta/Minty's house to make sure all was cool with those cats. Driving along on Tilstrom Road (which if you know it, you know people drive fast on it!) I slowed down when a SUV before me was also slowing down… to my horror… to avoid hitting a black with white-toes kitty. And failed. I witnessed it all. Every terrible moment. The kitty trying to move to avoid getting crushed, failed, hit the tire, and then pushed itself like a broken rag doll, flipping like a fish out of water, across the road into the grassy hillside, of which I imagined to be his home. It was terrible. I didn't know what to do. The cat was still alive. The SUV was pulling over. Cars were behind me, so I kept moving forward. Shocked. As I continued to drive, I ached to go back and make the kitty was okay. In a weird slow-motion, I found myself at Angel/Bob/Shasta/Minty's house. I made sure their food and water dishes were full. Gave them all a cuddle and secured them inside the house. Then, I left and made my way back to the scene of the cat-astrophe.

As I passed the spot, I couldn't see anything, but then, in my rear view mirror, I saw her. The owner leaned over a blanket moving back and forth. What do I do? I made a quick turn, and drove to where she was, parked my car, and crossed the road carefully to where she was… I looked at her and she was sobbing. She was on the phone to her husband, asking for him to come home and help her know what to do. I smiled at her and sat down next to her. When she was off the phone, I told her I had seen what happened, and I loved cats. I must have sounded a bit crazy.

She introduced me to Katie, who was still alive and breathing really hard. She was beautiful, and had (like Elwood) weird markings on her face. She was Elwood's age and the same coloring at Elle, Elwood's mom and my cat while I was at OSU. Looking at Katie, I remembered Elle and how hard it was to lose her. How much I loved her. The woman explained to me, she just didn't know what to do. That this was the third cat she's lost to this road. And she was having a hard week. Just had a fight with her daughter. As she gently petted Katie, and tried to warm her up, my heart longed so much to bring whatever comfort I could to his woman. I sat with her, and petted Katie, saying sweet words of her bravery in making it back to the other side of the road when she was in pain. The woman kept telling me I could go, that I didn't need to be there, but it was so hard to leave.

When I finally did break away, I drove back to my real home, went inside and headed straight for Elwood. (He saw my teary face and ran under the bed. Really.) I coaxed him out, and picked him up and held him tight. Why do we get so close to animals? When they have such short lives with us? I cried and cried and cried. I cried for Katie and her owner. For the husband when he got home, who would have to "figure it out." I cried for Elle and how much I miss her little sassy self. And I cried just because I was tired.

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Well, Sammy the Spoiled, Skinny Gray cat is mewing at the door. (Doesn't he know its rainy outside?) And I have my book—"The Unlikely Cat Lady" to read a bit on tonight… or not. Not sure I want to read about TNR and ferals and cats dying (as I read about last night when poor "Sid" died after being attacked by another bad feral cat.) I think I just want to sleep.

my new favorite spot

I have discovered a favorite spot to in my front yard, in the corner, hidden behind trees and plants. It's a fantastic spot, in the shade, of course. Near the wild rose bushes, close to the house and within wi-fi. I have a lawn chair set up now... but I am looking for something cozier and prettier.

I plan on spending more time outside doing my nerdy hobbies (ie writing blogs).

Elwood likes the spot too. He keeps me company; I think he prefers to the great outdoors over my hot room. (He follows me everywhere.) He looks at me know, his paws tucked under his chest, and I do believe he is smiling. Maybe not.

There is something lovely about sitting outside and feeling the breeze on your face as you write and ponder.

But what to ponder about? I want to write a love song/poem/letter. I feel the words swelling within me, but I feel silly writing a love anything when the object of my affections is (so far) unrequited and many miles away. But I smile and I want to write the words anyways. I will save them, store them in my heart and a special box and label it "for you someday."

Its fun to allow oneself to be wistful and romantic.

bald men and birthday present idea #1

I found it. What could possibly be the most perfect birthday present in book form ever for moi (excluding the next Outlander-Gabaldon book which comes out sometime in 2009!)

How did I discover such a remarkable find? So, while checking my hotmail and perusing the msn.com site there was a link promising to tell-all about dating a bald man. Understandably, this is a criticial article for me to read.  *insert sarcasm wink here* You can't tell me that none of you would want to read about the joy of stroking a newly shaved bald head on your honey-bunches (if he were in fact bald.)  (If you are tempted -- who wouldn't be??-- sneak a peek and click here.)

So, how did I go from the praise of bald men to the wonderful book I so covet that has nothing to do with lack of hair or even men? At the end of the article, the author and her credentials are listed:

Nina Malkin is the author of An Unlikely Cat Lady: Feral Adventures in the Backyard Jungle.

Of course, I immediately googled this book. (The beauty of google.) Anyone who has a thing for baldies AND cats, is A++ in my book.

Anyways, the book, An Unlikely Cat Lady: Feral Adventures in the Backyard Jungle, sounds hilarious. (If you click on the link, google provides excellent info on the book.) And not only does the cover feature a black-and-white cat that looks close enough to my own black-and-white cat, Elwood, which in of itself is often reason enough for me to make a purchase (Hmmm.) BUT the book is about a woman who deals with the judgement of being a Cat Lady (when in all honesty and from what I have read so far) she is... though, (and what makes me excited) is she isn't the stereotypical Cat Lady. I bet when I read the book I will discover she's really cool and funny and compassionate and my own insecurities of being dubbed a cat lady will be eased.

I will probably buy it for myself tonight (or tomorrow night) on amazon.com, so any hint that it would be an actual birthday present from one of my darling friends is just a clever way for me to remind you my birthday is coming up in like 53 days or so. (For those too lazy to count on a calendar - I don't blame you - it's August 28th and I will be 28!)

Not so sure I can wait 53 days read about feral cats invading one's backyard.

Maybe I probably will buy it "as a present from Elwood." Hmm. That might be a supportive evidence that I am, in fact, a Cat Lady. Athough according to a popular belief amongst good friends, further evidence is not really required.

[I hope no one is disappointed that this post was mostly about my cat lady rep (reason #57) and not about a bald birthday stripper or something scandalous.]

Elwood Tribute (and reason #56 securing my rep as a cat lady)

So, I have been writing and thinking on the deep and heavy side lately... thought I would lighten things up a bit with a tribute to the best cat ever, Elwood.

As you can see from the picture... Elwood is as good as a housewife from the 50s: everyday when I come home, he runs to greet me or is already waiting for me in my window. "Elwood, I'm home!" I call out in a sing-song voice. Sometimes, if I forget to shut the window, he is waiting for me, perched on the the little roof. There is something really nice about having someone, even a cat, waiting for you when you get home.

Of course, I am often gone out of town... this Winter and Spring has had me gone a lot actually. California for almost a week. Nicaragua for over a week. Many weekends visiting Jeremy and Ang in Hillsboro. House-sitting jobs. My double wedding weekend. I think Elwood knows I am going to leave when he sees me pull out the black suitcase. He watches as I pack it. He probably thinks, gee where is she going now? I hope she told someone to feed me the good stuff. I can't eat on the dry food alone. And then, when I do arrive back, he acts like hes all mad at me... then when I pick him up... he purrs and nestles in my arms. One of my favorite sounds ever is the sound of a cat purring.

As I type, Elwood is curled on the edge of my bed watching me. He is a bit of a stalker cat. Would pass MIOOA standards with flying colors. He follows me around like a little lost black-and-white sheep. If I am downstairs, so is he. If I sit down to watch a tv show, he is nearby or cuddled on my lap. I think he likes me or something. Haha.

Well, thats all. I don't want to really promote the crazy cat lady idea too much... ;)

**Update**

I can't believe I forgot to mention this last night when I wrote this post... but tomorrow, May 31st is Elwood's birthday! He's going to be five years old! He was born on Memorial Day, May 31st 2003 during my last Spring quarter of school at OSU. (Mel asked how I can know this so definitely, but it helps that his mom was Elle, my cat who got preggy and had five kittens and then died two months later... it was very tragic actually.)

elwood lookalike!

okay, so while working on my "white elephant" present for the Abundant Life Church staff Christmas party, I ran across this amazing picture of a cat with similiar markings to my very unusual elwood. (search term used: "mr t" under google images)

mr.t

elwood

okay, so maybe they aren't IDENTICAL, but perhaps they could pass as brothers? elwood, of course, being the far more handsome cat. and yes, he modeled for the above photo!

hmmm.