to find beauty

the holy dash

Dave and I have been asked several times lately if we've had our first, big fight.

Really. (I think its a little weird.) In fact, I recall very clearly sitting at my desk at work with my two closest-in-vicinity-and-in-heart co-workers talking between themselves about their bets on when our first fight would be...

"Cori," one of them asks very seriously, "What do you think you and Dave would fight about first?"

Enter: me with a dumb look on my face. Uhhh. I don't know.

Are they trying to start a fight?

I suggest driving... maybe?

This piques their sick-and-twisted interests... which they defend (rightly) arguing is a natural part of a relationship. I am also prodded with questions about Dave's driving skills.

Poor Dave. What did he ever do?

"No, no, no ladies. Dave drives just fine." (Well, except the one time he drove through a red light and then drove the wrong direction on the one-way road after we got lost in downtown Portland... or when he hit the gas down the scary, steep hill on the way to my house. Or the time we visited the zoo... but almost didn't make it in time, because "the sun got in his eyes and he couldn't see the GPS tell him to turn at the correct exit and we ended up in Lake Oswego" ... hmm. But why would I say reveal this to them? Aren't girlfriends supposed to keep these things a secret? *wink*)

No, I repeat.  It's not about Dave and his driving. Not all the time. But about me, and learning how to be a passenger. To allow someone else some "control" in my life. I've been thinking about this a lot actually. Go with me here.

As a single person, you learn how to be quite independent. You pay your own bills, and work at a job that (hopefully) provides you with the right amount of income to pay all the bills. You may own your car, so you may need tires or to keep up with other maintenance type things... You take care of it. You learn where to go, what different noises and smells mean for different car troubles. (You also know how to call Dad.) If you want to go somewhere, do something, visit someone... you get it done.  You go. You get in your car and you drive... new tunes blaring, windows down, a bag of Skittles within reach, and you are off.

I was a single person for a long time. And granted, I am still a single person... but I am one half of a couple now too. (Which still makes me giggle a little.) And I've learned something about my boyfriend Dave:

He likes to drive. He likes to be da man. I've chosen a gentleman (and for that I am certainly not going to complain!) He said once that driving me was a blessing to him, that he loved looking over to his right and seeing me next to him. And that when he drives, and I am not next to him, he misses me.

AWWW.

And he's mastered driving with one hand... so he can hold mine with the other when we are on our way somewhere...

AWWW.

(Unless its scary driving conditions, and both hands are on the wheel, thankyouverymuch!)

Actually, let's see... we've been "dating" since June/July-ish and I have yet to drive him anywhere. Suspicious! I have driven his SUV once, but he wasn't in the vehicle.

Maybe he's scared? Maybe he's heard about the time I accidentally hit the police car, which I still testify was the police officer's fault... but what was I going to do, argue the law? Seriously. It made me so mad!

Focus.

I do think its suspicious.

I am learning something about being a couple, which I think is part of a bigger lesson women, and men, learn when they are in, or thinking about being in a *cough* marriage relationship: trusting another person. Letting go of the my-way-only, independent attitude and letting another person take the lead...

I've learned a lot sitting in the passengar seat. I may not be driving, but Dave still needs me to help him. With directions, with grabbing his phone so he doesn't get too distracted by the beeps of a new text message and risks rear-ending the car ahead of us, or choosing good tunes to listen to... And I am learning to just sit, enjoy the view outside and not  worrying about all the details of the journey. He's got it covered.

I am learning (slowly) how to enjoy not having to be in control of everything. All the time.

My grandma never drove. Never, ever. My grandpa drove a 1976 Plymouth Valiant. Maroon. The dashboard on the passengar side was ripped and torn from excessive gripping. The family joked that it was "holy" dash... hole-y literally, but also holy from the frequent prayers said by my grandma when she was a passenger.

I figure if my wonderful, loving, God-fearing grandma can be very happily married for over 50 years, and she let my (very wonderful, if not a little aggressive at driving) grandpa drive her around for over 50 years... and despite the holy dash, there was no significant negative affects from this act of submission (yes, I said the s-word)... than maybe I can do it too.

Conclusions

Dave and I haven't had a big fight yet. 

Dave says we don't fight because he is a good listener. (Which he is. He is an awesome listener.)

Someday Dave will let me drive and he will be soooo in awe of my amazing driving skills that he will want me to drive all the time, and I will miss these glory passenger days...

I think grandma's Holy Dash was also called the Holy Shit Dash... But that's between you and me.

moms and treasure boxes

I save... everything. I don't necessarily consider it pack-rat worthy. Maybe just... loyal. Extremely loyal to my memories. I also blame my mom for this quirky, space-consuming habit...

When I was little (like 4th or 5th grade) I would sneak into my mom's old boxes in the corners of the attic. Opening those boxes were like opening treasure chests because inside were mushy poems about boys penned by my mom(!!), her super-fan, super-obsessive photo collections starring Kris Kristofferson and Rita Coolidge (I suppose my own collages on Keanu Reeves aren't much better...), and a report on Charles Manson.

Okay, so the report was a little creepy to read through. (He was creepy.)

But the other report on "Women's Health" taught me a lot about the mysteries of being a woman... Though, it lacked the exciting details a curious little kid was looking to find! The book mom gave me later on... The Christian Girl's Guide to Becoming a Woman wasn't much help either.  I suppose that's why God gave us friends as we grow up who seem to know everything... Haha.

I was fascinated by mom's writings. I am sure it was a huge invasion of privacy (she never objected), but I loved reading about my mom and who she was when she was a teenager, a young adult...  I loved looking through her writings and her childhood momentos and I remember thinking that I wanted to save things as I grew up for my own daughters to sneak and find and learn who their mom was...

The Mary Englebreit desk calendar for today complements my reflections... I'm sure I'm breaking some copyright laws posting it... sorry Mary:

I am far from having my own little girls... okay, like really, really far away... but I do have some treasure boxes started for some day... you can sneak and read this blog anytime.

 

Mother's Day is coming up! May 10th, and it also falls on the same weekend as Abundant Life Church's "Overflowing with Hope" Spring Women's Retreat (May 8-9).

Wow. The timing is so perfect. Almost as if we are encouraging women to invite their moms or daughters to an event where they can spend time together... *wink* Or an opportunity for Moms to be given a 24-hour break from their everyday realities of dishes, laundry, carpools, diapers (and the list is endless) on a weekend that is set aside to honor moms anyways and spend time with other women, praising God and learning about hope from some neat women...

Click on either of the links for more information or to register online for this event.

Cori

Also posted at coolchurchwomen.com. Yep, I double-dipped.

My Father & I... Discussion Question

For those of you who attended the "My Father & I..." dinner Tuesday night, the following question was to be the third question during our group discussion time... obviously, we ran out of time. Because I think its a great question and worth some thought and discussion... please leave a comment (click on the comment link below) and tell us what you think of this definition...

For those not in attendance... what do you think? What does being "authentic woman" mean or look like to you?

An authentic woman is one who...
1. Rejects worldly temptations for significance.
2. Believes in God's priorities.
3. Nurtures the next generation.
4. Expects God's greater reward.

What do you think of this definition? What, if anything, would you change about it?

 

tonight is the night!

The My Father & I... dinner is tonight! The tables are set. (well, sans dishes) The audio and powerpoint stuff is ready to go. Dinner is underway. Greg and his daughters have a great presentation to share...

Its really happening.

I pray that:

• Greg, Lindsay, and Danielle will be confident in what the Lord has set for them to share. That this dinner is a special time for them to teach with their dad.
• the ladies-of-the-kitchen, Sheri, Natalie and Julie, prepare a delicious meal and know their service is much appreciated.
• the girls feel safe to share with each other during discussion time.
• wounds may be healed, and hearts will be changed.
• this dinner and discussion night brings glory to God.

Well, I must help my heroes, Tayler and Emily, set the tables.

***UPDATE***

The night is over and I am tired but my heart is so full and I feel so blessed to know so many amazing and cool women. (wow thats a run on sentence!) I posted some pictures from the night in a photo album on the right side... :) You can see all the beautiful young women at Abundant Life!

Also, I am just so in awe of how wonderful God is. How He gave me so much peace and enjoyment from tonight. What an honor it was to plan and serve these girls. To work with Pastor Greg again, whom I miss. I want to thank the friends who prayed... especially for one prayer by one special redhead... who emailed me today...

All the way to work I prayed that God would help you wake up refreshed, not stressed, and excited for this evening. I prayed that the Lord would cover you with a strange and wonderful amount of peace. I prayed that Cori you would feel that it is all God's job, and not yours, to make this thing happen tonight.

 

The cool thing is... it worked. At lunch I went home to grab some things I had forgotten, and in the mail was a new CD I had order (one of my freebies) and it was the new Shawn McDonald. I opened it, put in my car cd player and went directly to the last song called, Beautiful. As soon as I heard it I knew that was the song I needed to play for response time. And from that moment, I had a strange and wonderful peace overcome me. 

 

Thank you Father. 

 

 

My Father & I...

My father & I fight. A lot. About everything.

My father & I don't, won't, can't talk about anything. Does he even know me?

My father & I like to go spelunking.

My father & I love each other. Things are good.

My Father & I…

"I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters," says the Lord Almighty.  - 2 Corinthians 6:18

A fun & fabulous family-style dinner for young women (high school to mid-twenties) with guest speakers Greg Strannigan & his daughters sharing about dads (how we should talk to them without fighting, crying…), being women (uncovering what the Bible says about unrealistic expectations) and God the Father. Tuesday, May 20th at 7pm at the Abundant Life Church Happy Valley Campus. Cost is $10. Sign up during Unseen (Wednesday nights at Happy Valley Campus at 6:30pm) on May 7^th and 14^th, Uprising (Saturday nights at the Parkrose Campus at 6pm ) on May 3^rd and 10^th or at Guest Services (at the Happy Valley Campus) the first two weekends of May. Space is limited; so don’t delay!  Email [email protected] with any questions!

This dinner is for girls only! No fathers allowed (except for Greg, who is teaching!)

Complete your own "My Father & I..." by clicking on the comments link below. Note: the above statements do not necessarily reflect my own relationship with my dad. They are general statements, nothing implied. :)

bazaar picture!

Check it out! I got this emailed to me yesterday... A picture collage from a Christmas bazaar (hosted by one of our lifegroups at abundant life) I was invited to in December. All these amazing women are entreprenuers and a lot of fun! that's me at the bottom with Melissa-- we were trying out the Mary Kay Satin Lips. We were also being pretty silly!

exciting purchase

So, thanks to Chrissy Miner and her wonderful super hot flat iron and the result of my beautiful hair for Mel's wedding (see "me in weddings") I HAD to purchase a flat iron with a little more heat... fortunately there was a sale at Sally's Beauty Supply! :) So, I just played with it a bit. and already the outcome is amazing. my frizzy hair when sleek in minutes. Watch out world, here comes Sexy Hair Cori! :)

I also cashed in a gift certificate for a manicure/pedicure this afternoon (with Mel) and am sporting darling toes! "Chocolate Shakespeare" with "apple red" and white flowers on the big toes. (my fingers are just clear, what i like best!)

My vacation is winding down... but it has been good. I look forward to getting back to work. I miss my co-workers! :)

mommy song

i like white bras

okay, so does that make me boring?

for all you women out there, tell me about your favorite bra! i dare you!

mommyhood

I want to be a mother.

Last week, the worship pastor's daughter came into the church office and I was in awe of her beautiful, pregnant belly and a glow around her that spoke of wonder, miracles and life. She let me touch her belly. It was soft and squishy. I was probably more than a bit jealous.

My sister, Sarah, is pregnant. She is due mid-January. Her and her husband, Will, are so excited. I am happy for them. I happy to be an Aunt. I am happy for the live she has chosen. A family.

A dear friend from high school is always on her way to mommyhood. Another friend is excited for the day she and her husband will join the ranks of proud parenthood. My closest friend, whom is getting married this September, has chosen not have children, content to live with her husband and be an aunt to her three nephews.

As a single, almost twenty-seven year old, still living with mom and dad, with a wonderful job and church secretary salary-- my hopes of being Mom, seem so slim with the needed requirement of a husband or atleast a home (if I want to be a foster mom). With PCOS, I am told getting pregnant, even in the best conditions is difficult, though not impossible.

I should not be worrying about this, I know. I do trust God with my future, and I shouldn't say but... but... its so hard. Its so hard to want a family, to have a home, to be a mom when the environment around you screams no, not yet, wait. I don't think I portray myself to be someone desperate or even anxious. I have joy in my life now. I just feel... ready.

Ready for a change.

I've been pondering all of this for awhile. Its hard not to with babies and children all over! I found some hope last night.

Before I worked for the church, I was a personal assisant/nanny for a family. They had two daughters (and later had a son) As a nanny, you make lunches, shuttle the kids around to and from school, you take them to birthday parties and soccer games. You help them clean their rooms, help them with homework, and my specialty, entertained them with crafts. You find yourself the odd one out at gymnastic practice with the other "real moms". You find yourself explaining "you're just the sitter" often. And the best part, and I say this with no sarcasm, you find yourself in love with these munchkins. You grow attached. But its a job. And you aren't their parent. So, you say goodbye, agree to babysit on occasion, and thats that.

I was asked to take the girls to a birthday party - a pool party - and it was awkward and fun and wonderful. It hit me when I was trying to make conversation with one of the moms while watching the kids in pool, that rather than gettin down about not being a mom... that the Lord was providing these special moments where I get to watch and take care of children and love them and be loved by them. Maybe its not what I want, but who knows what I want! I need to continue to put my trust in Him for what is best for me, and be content with the moments around me now were I get love His children.