Every Tuesday morning, the staff at Abundant Life Church meets for a time of worship, prayer and devotional teaching.
And its my turn to share. The burning question:
What is God teaching me right now?
Easy, right?
And yet I have no idea what I am going to say. So, I am cheating with going to my safety place: writing on my blog with the intent to read it out loud in the morning.
Don't judge.
I agreed to share in the first place because I had that weird pit-in-the-stomach feeling usually experienced in my days of academia when I knew deep down I needed to speak up during a discussion but worried and wondered if I was going to sound really stupid or naive. You know that feeling? When you worry that others know way more than you or that you'll start stammering.
And I still worry. I mean, previous speakers at chapel have usually been the teaching pastors! Experienced guys who can poop out sermons without blinking! I joked with some of the office ladies about lowering the bar for others who may feel the call to share too. Truth be told, I don't think there should be a bar at all.
We are all children of Christ. And God has given us all incredible stories to share of his love and faithfulness. Christ is doing good work in all of us! According to Ephesians 2:10, the God's Word translation: God has made us what we are. He has created us in Christ Jesus to live lives filled with good works that He has prepared for us to do.
I don't know about you, but if God has paved the way for me share with others the crazy things He is doing in my life - I better do it!
Still not quite sure what I am going to say, I talked to my husband about it. We've been married for six months, and we've been to two marriage conferences plus marriage mentoring so we are pretty much experts and have this married thing down, right? As we said very coolly in the 90s: not! We've experienced multiple changes in our jobs and ministries- together and separately - which I have to say, have been really tough. With Dave still looking for paid employment and waddling through old debt that ol' Dave Ramsey hasn't helped us escape completely yet, we are literally walking by faith to pay our bills, keep the car gassed up, and buy enough groceries to eat the 5-6 small meals recommended by our doctors to be healthy! Add walking, vitamins, proper sleep, ugh! I get worried about money and being healthy, and I remind myself what it says in the Bible about not worrying:
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
(Actually, its quite interesting that if you think about it - worrying actually takes away life - yet we do it because there is lie in our human minds that analyzing and worrying is necessary.)
The bible continues:
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:25-33)
I like this passage, and I probably should read it every single day, at the hour!
Back to asking my dear husband what God is teaching him. Dave's simple response: "He's teaching me how to be content. And since God usually speaks to the husband and the wife at the same, I think He's trying to teach that to you too."
Which is pretty interesting to me. Because the last thing I feel right now is content! I feel anxious and overwhelmed, exhausted and confused and, honestly, haven't been 100% well and excited for life since September. And I am busy! And when I am not busy, I am thinking about being busy! Focused on keeping up with my job here which keeps evolving, with laundry, with dishes in the sink, with feeding the cat which leads to a full litter box which needs to be cleaned out which leads to well, you get the point! Add learning how to be a good wife - cause I really am not an expert! - while still being a friend to those I care about! Sigh! So much!
I tell my thoughts to married friends - young and old - and they tell me it's all perfectly normal. And I know they are right on.
If I really scanned my life right now, I see God doing some pretty great things. After months of wondering if my pastor husband will be a pastor again, He's been pursued and called to be a volunteer youth pastor at a small foursquare church in Milwaukie.
And the man I married six months ago who loved Jesus so much and who loved more than anything to work with youth kiddos, is smiling again.
That feels really good.
We visited the church last Sunday. And between the many breaks to hug and greet one another and the passionate words of the pastor calling out to the local church to get excited about being Christ's hand and feet... I felt my tired heart stir. It wasn't about reaching a million people with a new program that another church is already doing or worrying about a budget or fixing the printer or the process to get volunteers to stick or simply called in a reasonable time frame or lifegroup leaders trained with FellowshipOne or adding events to a calendar.... It wasn't about the millions of things that spin around in mind everyday, causing me to wonder if I am good enough or valued or if I am being enough to everyone. No, the pastor spoke from his heart and he was passionate about Jesus and the local church.
Oh, I wanted that passion again. I wanted to be soaked like a sponge in the love of Jesus Christ. I wanted to be content in my work, in my service for the Kingdom of God. I wanted...
and then I remembered it wasn't about me. It wasn't even about Dave and I. Or the local church or the megachurch. None are bad, or wrong. Its about Jesus. And I don't know about you, but I am still figuring it all out. I can read books, listen to messages, serve until my body aches... I can be a Christian my whole life and commit to bible reading plans and praying with all the right words but when I look around - in my heart - its about people who need Jesus. And that includes me.
So, in my thinking and praying and talking with God - I am learning that God wants me too. Me. Us. And He has interesting plans for me, plans He made, not plans I made. And if I want to do them wholeheartedly, as I aim to do always, I must seek Him first and humble myself to whatever it is. Cause I am still learning, always learning!
There was a recent online buzz during the turn of the new year about adopting "one word" resolutions. I've been pondering what my one word should be. I thought of patience or humility. I contemplated change, transition or trust.
And what I think I've settled on is Listen. Listen to God and His direction. Listen to Dave and his calling for him and our family, because I get to share in too! Listen to those who share their story with me. And learn from their words, their story, which is ultimately Jesus's story. Literally, to sit down and shut up and listen to what God wants.
I read this to Dave, and asked him what he thought. He said it was good. I asked him what it needed. And he said: more scripture.
And while my pride blushes a bit with his very pastorly comment - and I feel like adding it now is like stuffing long quotes in a college research paper just to impress the prof...
So, I will add to my 2011 goals and hopes: listening and adding more Bible.
Love you Cori! Such a timely word for us all! Praying for holy boldness during chapel this morning!
Posted by: Sparrowtracks.wordpress.com | Feb 01, 2011 at 06:47 AM