At the beginning of the summer, I wrote about my hunt for a home. Somewhere I can host friends for late-night movies, paint my walls a shocking white (yes, white) and re-do my room HGTV-style, and well, not live with my parent's anymore. Honestly, I was spurred mostly by the fact I was turning 29 and not sure of the coolness factor of facing 30 and living with the folks.
(I think that's a pride issue more than anything...)
It has been an interesting journey. As I look around my bedroom, stacks of boxes piled high... my desk emptied and the normally-very-crowded space under my bed completely empty... my room is no longer a living space... but a shell of the last five or six years of my life. I've spent every precious spare moment over the last couple months, sorting over 20 years of stuff. Photos. Journals. Tax statments. Every receipt for anything I ever bought (really.) I am not even close to being done. But, I've stopped packing for now.
The plans to move keep changing. At this moment, I honestly don't know where I will be living in two months. The current plan is in a bit of "limbo land." Meanwhile, the boxes around my room, are becoming shelves for random bits of mail, laundry, and nap sites for my cat, Elwood. I wonder if I should just unpack, so I can have some semblence of normalcy...
I started fall term of school this week. My week nights will be packed with lifegroup- starting up again next Monday, studying in New Seasons or Borders, dates (with Dave, of course) and trying to catch a One Tree Hill episode... and I'll be honest, I am a little hooked on Gray's Anatomy right now. I barely have enough time and energy to do these very important things, and add worrying about moving, painting parties, trips to IKEA (which will be dates with Dave, fyi)? Am I crazy? Maybe I need to just stop and slow it all down.
I wonder if I am being really selfish. I don't need to move out, I want to move out so I can host parties, cook in my own kitchen, and generally be a mature adult. Even though I have budgeted the new housing expenses, maybe those funds should be re-routed back to the Dave Ramsey Debt Snowball plan? Maybe I am pushing something that God doesn't have planned for me right now.
My junior year of high school, we got a new kid- he was from Viriginia and all the girls were mesmerized by his good looks and southern accent (I confess, I was one of the girls.) I remember he taught us a new expression (not sure if there was a deep meaning attached or not) and I don't recall the proper spelling, but it sounded like "shet da dough." Shut the door. I feel like I keep hearing the sounds a door shutting. Woosh.
I've spent the last several Sundays volunteering with the youth at a local homeless shelter. These kids just want a home. Well, they also want a fancy cell phone, but they are teenagers! Give 'em a break. Is a home something fancy and perfect for hosting parties? No, its place where people live together, hopefully happily. Home is where the heart is... and there is heart at this shelter with these kids.
I want heart where I live. Whether its with room mates, on my own, or with my parents. And as I navigate this season of uncertainty: I will let go and let God. Even when He shuts the door... and eventually opens a brand new one...
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