to find beauty

the letter "j" (a very random post)

I am apparently drawn to the letter "j". 

(Warning: I am very tired, and this topic actually seems amusing to me. I think it might be the exhaustion.)

In my cell phone, (and yes, I counted) the letter "j" wins the fake award for most names beginning with that letter. The top three are as follows:

J - 20 (including 3 Julie's, 3 Jason's and 3's Jennifers)
D - 15 (3 David's)
A - 14 (less repitition: 2 Ashley's and 2 Anna's)

And this weekend, I only hung out with people who's name began with the letter "j". Not by design. Just by irony.

Of course, I did talk to others whose name does not begin with "j". I am not discriminating completely. I just found it really odd that as I went from one social activity to the next, each starred someone whose name started with the letter "j".

Jake
Julie (okay, and her husband Brad)
Jenn
Joy
Jesus (I think this should count, haha.)

As I type, I am also chatting with a girl named Jessica. Hmm. Who is not listed in my cell phone yet.

Okay. Must. Get. Sleep.

me: sucker for mystery packages

I am a total sucker for grab bags and what not-- so, of course when I recieved this email from independentbands.com (which apparently is going out of business)... I was hooked.

10 Pack of Mystery CDs!

An opportunity to score some CDs at rock bottom prices.

The Catch: You can't pick what you'll be getting, but we guarantee you will receive 10 unique albums. It's a Mystery on which titles you will receive, but C'mon....at this price...take a chance on hearing some music you may or may not have heard before!

Since we are going out of business, we need to get rid of our entire inventory and this is an opportunity for you to benefit. Most of these CDs would sell normally for over $9.99 each and we're giving you 10 for a total of $19.98.

Get them while you still can.

10 Pack of Mystery CDs
List Price: $129.00
 Our Price: $19.98

C'mon. It's really tempting, isn't it? Ten random CDs that could potentially introduce you to great new music. I put in my order.

(Warning: if you get a really random cd from me for Christmas, now you know why.)

feelin' a little alien

Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?

No, you don't mind?

Okay, so here it is: Do you ever feel like an alien?

No, not like a real alien from Mars (Did I just type "real alien"?) but like an alien: stranger, foreigner. When you feel uncomfortable, odd, and awkward and you are grateful, ever so grateful, that there are Blazer games on at Gustav's? (We won!)

I was invited by a good friend (he says "top tier friend") from high school (whom I hadn't seen in years as he was in the Navy) to hang out last Saturday around Portland and then be his "date" to a birthday party for more friends of ours from high school, who recently got engaged. We went to Gustav's and I looked forward to a pint of yummy German beer and a potato pancake with feta.

But sitting there amongst a table full (14 total) of people I barely knew anymore, I realized I was the odd one out. (Half the table consisted of actual German classmates of the Birthday boy from his Geo classes at PSU. They were remarkably good looking.) I don't know how to explain it, without it sounding whiney or weird, but let me try. Go with me here.

I have been wanting to "get out into the world" more lately. I believe I have even written about it here. To step outside the church bubble, and meet and befriend people who believe and think differently than me. I wanted to be like Jesus and have "bipartisan" friends. ;)

So, sitting at the table, and later on at a local bar, listening to people talk about and drink lots of beer and making jokes about sex and talking about people I didn't know and experiences I was not a part of ... I felt like an alien.

I didn't feel like I belonged, and coming from a community (the Christian church) where I feel much "belonged" this was frustrating to encounter. I felt dirty and while I watched my friends get happier and happier with their cheap beer (the second half of the night, they started off with the good stuff) I realized I needed to remember who I am and just be okay with that. I am happy. Of course I would feel a little "out of the loop" because I haven't made the choice in the past to be in ths loop at all. I like my old friends, and I enjoy seeing them, but I sincerely hope seeing them does not equal bars and drinking all the time.

So when my "top tier" friend asked loudly and with a edge of mock, "So, Cori, how does it feel to be hanging with your non-church friends?" I resised the urge to be slap him for being so ... drunk? And just smiled or something.

Later, I told this same friend that I felt very umcomfortable, to which he agreed I was the "odd one out tonight." (Seriously!) But maybe thats a good thing? Every Christmas my old high school pals will get together and I have a great time. We catch up, talk about the past, and its... nice to stoll down memory lane.

How do we acclimate to these sorts of environments, when you just can't help but stick out a little? Should we even try? And even further, is this "alien feeling" how people feeling coming into the church?

Hmm. The more I think about all this, all these questions... the more I feel dumb even posting this blog because I am answering my own questions and I dont want to look uncool. Oh well.

took an adult adhd quiz and...

 

I think this explains a lot.

 

I am serious.

 

I think this might explain why I live in a constant state of stress-out mode, with mutiple projects in varying states of completeness at work and home vying for my time...etc etc etc ... why I sit at my desk to do get one thing done and I end up working a zillion things and ministries before completing my initital first task.

 

Mental note: before I freak out, ask the Dr. what he thinks. ;) Does the fact I have a mental health professional handy on my phone mean something? ;)

 

 

the word surreal

Wiki says surreal means "bizarre or dreamlike". Google brings up vh1's The Surreal Life (which I am proud to say I have never watched) and a link to "Surreal" the "four-piece classic rock band playing a mix of cover and original tracks" [little known fact: I really like to rock out to classic rock.]

Still googling, I click on images and found a link to this "Crazy Unique Art" and this lovely image that actually could be a self-portrat at times... maybe, in a creepy, surreal sorta of way.

 

Anyways, what's up with all the surreal business? Honestly, its the best word I can come up with to describe this past week. Bizarre. Weird. Dreamlike. I pinch myself and it hurts so I know I am not dreaming.

Hmm. I keep looking at the picture and its really creeping me out. Do I really want to post it on my blog to see all the time? What will it remind me- what is the lesson?

We chop our own heads off? Eh. Or ask: how did she manage to cut so evenly and without any mess on her dress? Hmmm.

Admist all the weirdness, I attended a funeral for a dear volunteer at the church. She was only 60, and I realized that was only 8 years older than my parents. Only 8 years. I also learned that Pete (that's her name) worked at Loaves & Fishes and many other non-profits. She cares about helping people and served most of her life. I am not surprised really, because as long I knew her she loved to serve Jesus at the church. She was also a red-head. (I think there is a picture of her and me a couple years ago at a church event on the photos drive at church. I will look for it tomorrow.)

I realized, as I always realize something when attending a funeral/wedding that Pete lived a good life because she served God doing what she loved. The words spoke for her reflected how much she meant to her family, to the church, and to her friends. I hope for that too.

I promised myself I get to bed by midnight. It's 11:59pm. ;)

what language is this?

So, according to my stats, someone read my blog (woohoo) but translated it first. Check it out! I have no idea what language it is, but it looks cool.

no pick! no pick!

it's after 1am and i just finished my homework for the night. i am tired, of couse, but i feel accomplished and productive. it was a good day at work (yeah!) and i spent some q-time with mom this evening too (went to craft store to buy massive amounts of glitter for a work project), and checked some assignments off my weekly to-do list.

but, well, this is what i look like right now:

so yeah. this is me, right now. very late and very sleepy and not smiling because i dont know why. (i am smiling now. but you can't see that.) but here i am with kleenex up my nose.

why do i have kleenex up my nose? because my nose started bleeding. no, i did not pick my nose either. hmmm. did i? i don't know why nose started bleeding.

George: Was there any nostril penetration?
Jerry: There may have been some incidental contact.
George: Hey, it's me.

okay, george, i hear ya.

George: I guarantee you Moses was a picker. You wander through the desert for 40 years with that dry air. You tell me you're not going to have an occasion to clean house a little?

thanks george.

to learn more about nose bleeds . according to this: click here, my left nostril most likely experienced some trauma. no one has punched me in the nose lately. suspicious.

hmm. let's watch some seinfeld. don't you love how it sticks on the screenshot of kramer in his underwear? goodness.

i promise: there was no pick! thanks jerry for standing up for us all non-pickers and pickers a like. and yes, we do bleed.

aren't you glad you visited? don't you think i should go to bed now?

here's elwood: (its been too long since he has made an appearance, don't you think?)

he has the right idea. hopefully my nose will stop bleeding so i can sleep.

we'll give it a go.

good night!

a little true love reminder

If you strain your ears you may be able to hear my young women's life groups lovely voices when we attended this live concert ("Singalong) last summer. Okay, so you really can't hear us. That would be crazy. Not sure you'd want to hear my voice anyways. haha.

I mentioned Phil Wickham in an earlier post as a "fruit of dating" for myself. Thought I'd remind myself and others of who are true love is... on this fateful day.

Phil Wickham's blog: philwickham.com/blog

not going to pretend to like it either

Its the hour before I go to sleep and I am reading random blogs and such. [I didn't feel like opening a whole book.] And I came across this one. 

I just landed on the blog randomly. And it has made me so mad.

(reading it might help you understand the following rant a little better, but its not necessary.)

Why?

Its a funny, well-written blog about from a guy who pretends to like jazz and purchased a Miles David cd in case anyone looked through his cd collection or something. Anyways, it was funny.  He writes about jazz like I write about hip hop and talkin' gangsta. I really don't get it. I am not good at it. I try to move my bootie like Rhianna or whoever is doing it, and its just not sexy. (at least i dont think it is. it's fun, thats all that matters to me in the privacy of my home.) I still have their cds (Rhianna, Pussy Cat Dolls, etc etc) and listen to them when I want to feel hip.

I digress. He also wrote/confessed about not being a CS Lewis fan.

But, the part that made me mad in the blog, was when I clicked to the comments. 171 comments from Christians somewhere in this world confessing how much they don't like The Shack or Rob Bell or Beth Moore or Christian radio or anything Christian and the list went on and on and on.

And we are the light of the world.

Don't get me wrong. I thought Facing the Giants was a cheesy movie, but I listen to the soundtrack all the time. And I did cry a little when she found out she was pregnant. And the scene on the football field with the kid carrying the other kid on his back I think of often when I feel like I can't do something... or when I need to encourage someone else to keep going.

And I have professed an annoyance to Beth Moore books, so now I feel a little bad about it. At least Beth Moore studies are getting women to sit and learn about God together.

I know its a popular thing to do on blogs now. To confess what you can't say at church or what you pretend to like but can't admit outloud because you will be seen/considered a bad Christian... it makes me sick. [one person wrote "Church Ladies!" Seriously! I am shocked more people didn't write that they don't like "Missions" or "old people who need yard work done" or "when people want to pray" or "reading the Bible".]  

I know my little blog is a goldfish in an ocean, but that is one bandwagon I do not want to jump on.