Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
No, you don't mind?
Okay, so here it is: Do you ever feel like an alien?
No, not like a real alien from Mars (Did I just type "real alien"?) but like an alien: stranger, foreigner. When you feel uncomfortable, odd, and awkward and you are grateful, ever so grateful, that there are Blazer games on at Gustav's? (We won!)
I was invited by a good friend (he says "top tier friend") from high school (whom I hadn't seen in years as he was in the Navy) to hang out last Saturday around Portland and then be his "date" to a birthday party for more friends of ours from high school, who recently got engaged. We went to Gustav's and I looked forward to a pint of yummy German beer and a potato pancake with feta.
But sitting there amongst a table full (14 total) of people I barely knew anymore, I realized I was the odd one out. (Half the table consisted of actual German classmates of the Birthday boy from his Geo classes at PSU. They were remarkably good looking.) I don't know how to explain it, without it sounding whiney or weird, but let me try. Go with me here.
I have been wanting to "get out into the world" more lately. I believe I have even written about it here. To step outside the church bubble, and meet and befriend people who believe and think differently than me. I wanted to be like Jesus and have "bipartisan" friends. ;)
So, sitting at the table, and later on at a local bar, listening to people talk about and drink lots of beer and making jokes about sex and talking about people I didn't know and experiences I was not a part of ... I felt like an alien.
I didn't feel like I belonged, and coming from a community (the Christian church) where I feel much "belonged" this was frustrating to encounter. I felt dirty and while I watched my friends get happier and happier with their cheap beer (the second half of the night, they started off with the good stuff) I realized I needed to remember who I am and just be okay with that. I am happy. Of course I would feel a little "out of the loop" because I haven't made the choice in the past to be in ths loop at all. I like my old friends, and I enjoy seeing them, but I sincerely hope seeing them does not equal bars and drinking all the time.
So when my "top tier" friend asked loudly and with a edge of mock, "So, Cori, how does it feel to be hanging with your non-church friends?" I resised the urge to be slap him for being so ... drunk? And just smiled or something.
Later, I told this same friend that I felt very umcomfortable, to which he agreed I was the "odd one out tonight." (Seriously!) But maybe thats a good thing? Every Christmas my old high school pals will get together and I have a great time. We catch up, talk about the past, and its... nice to stoll down memory lane.
How do we acclimate to these sorts of environments, when you just can't help but stick out a little? Should we even try? And even further, is this "alien feeling" how people feeling coming into the church?
Hmm. The more I think about all this, all these questions... the more I feel dumb even posting this blog because I am answering my own questions and I dont want to look uncool. Oh well.
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