to find beauty

turning 28: the year of decisions

Yesterday I celebrated my much-anticipated birthday, the big 28 on the 28th. Ever since my second grade teacher told me of the coolness of the "golden birthday" I have looked forward to the special day. Not that I expected fireworks or the world to stop and cater to me or anything.

I am not delusional. (Though I did enjoy the birthday serenades.)

I have spent countless hours pondering, analyzing, and discussing the current status of my life at age 28 over the duration of the summer. This had led to my summer of big epiphanies and big decisions.

Maybe it was realizing the all the best love stories I told were those of others, and not my own. Maybe it realizing that all the men I did "date" this past year were not what I am looking for, deserve or even found that attractive. I was settling for what I thought I could "get" rather than what I ached for: someone that made my heart beat like crazy, that held my hand with gentleness, that was so extremely passionate about his job or hobbies that I could just stand back in awe and do what I love and do best: be supportive, and that I could talk to, relate to, and feel safe with. I've been told often by dear friends that the man who would finally steal my heart would be an incredible man. And I agree.

(Where are you?)

But how do I find that Incredibleness if I am hiding? Scared of getting hurt, rejected and unsure that the wonderfulness I know I possess could be seen and appreciated by another. So, I made the decision to stop hiding. Okay, so I am still figuring out what the looks like, but I am taking baby steps.

I also made the major decision to return to school and finish my bachelor's degree. I had been talking about doing this for the past year or so, but talk means nothing until you finally muster the courage to call the admissions office. I won't start classes until the end of September, and honestly, I haven't even registered yet. Dealing head-on with a little hurdle called "paying off the student account" first. $200 to go.

The school decision led to another decision to step down from the leadership team for the young adult ministry at my church. A ministry I have poured into for as long as I have attended the church and loved dearly. It seems ironic that I must leave college ministry to return to college, but in so many ways... I know it was the right thing to do.I probably should have done it a lot earlier. I am finding now an exciting (and intimidating) freedom with my time. (Of course this will dramatically change once school begins.)

I know this is only the beginning. My friend and boss forewarned me that this year was going to be a year of decisions. (Hopefully not alluding to insider boss knowledge about my job, eeks.) All I can say (with some nervous excitement) is: bring it on!

promise

I hereby promise to get back into the "blog mode" soon. Not sure what my deal has been: a mix between turning 28 (this Thursday), busy times at work, a lonely heart, and a weekend consumed by a terrible migraine. Though I did make it to CityFest Friday night (to hear Luis Palau, Kutless and Chris Tomlin) and have been ACHING to write about the shocking observations I made in that one evening. But they will have to wait, as its after midnight and the busy times at work await me in the morning.

How are you? (and honestly... who are you? Who am I writing for?)

simple math

consumed with watching the Olympics + house-sitting for someone lacking my fav creature comfort: wireless internet (tho the 60" HD tv is helping) = no posts from moi for awhile.

Sorry. Kinda.

But do you blame me!? Seriously! Michael Phelps and the whole men's swimming team are amazing and beautiful and... well, its just addicting. And inspiring. It just is.

begging for sympathy (and forgiveness)

Yes, this is another post about cats. It's either men, cats or God it seems.

So, I am still knee deep in caring for cats and various other animals (add a stable of horses, two dogs, a mini horse, a buck-happy goat and 4 big fish) all for my great cause of paying off my student account so I can register for classes at OSU (online) after a five-year "sabbatical."

I offered to help out Nice Kitty (mentioned in a previous post) with her hairball issues while pet-sitting for the tech pastor at church for a week.  Well, actually, Dave asked (laughing) if I could shave the cat while I was there. In the past, this has been no big deal. Snip, snip. Nice Kitty even moves or stands still when I ask her to. NO DRAMA at all. This go-around, I should have kept my mouth shut and left the scissors in the drawer.

So, when Jen (the tech pastor's lovely wife) emailed me some last minute details (how to use the new tv, etc - very important) I responded:

I am glad to help! And Dave has requested some kitty grooming. Haha.

And this is my response from Jen:

Wow, Catnap (Nice Kitty's real name) can't wait! Seriously though, she's in the worst shape ever! We have been unable to get those fur things off her -- I would love any help you can give. Thanks!

And then, here I come. Cori-Scissor Hands and I butchered poor Nice Kitty. I could never be a hairdresser for the stars- or cats- apparently. (Fortunately this was never a dream of mine.) And the worse part is there are several places where the matts were so bad, that some of the skin was removed too... so, she has a serveral small, red sores on her little kitty body (which I have been carefully watching and washing with warm water.)

I called the the tech pastor and left the following message:

"Hey Dave. Cori here. This is not an emergency. So, yeah, I wanted to warn you that I went ahead and tried to help out Nice Kitty with the matted hair situation. And, well, I think I butchered her. She looks quite pathetic, though she seems in good spirits and was very happy to have the matts removed. Anyways... I am sorry for making your cat ugly. And well, I think I cut a little too close a couple times too. So yeah, I thought I should warn you before you saw her. Hope you're having a good camping trip. Bye!"

My anxieties over it all haven't dissapated yet.

At PetSmart last night (while purchasing food for my own cats) I asked the lady at the cat clinic for any advice with the sores.

She gave me THAT LOOK that said I was a terrible, terrible person for not taking the cat in to be professionally groomed. Well, I guess that look should go to the tech pastor, but honestly, give me a break! I reminded myself that not everyone in the world goes to that route. If you Google "shave a cat" you will run across many, many conversations of people who cut the matts off everyday with no drama.

Anyways, I don't know why I am posting this... my failure as a kitty groomer and my anxiety that the tech pastor will be upset or will endlessly give me a hard time about it.

Note: I considered taking a picture... but pride (mine and Nice Kitty's) is getting in the way.