Yesterday I celebrated my much-anticipated birthday, the big 28 on the 28th. Ever since my second grade teacher told me of the coolness of the "golden birthday" I have looked forward to the special day. Not that I expected fireworks or the world to stop and cater to me or anything.
I am not delusional. (Though I did enjoy the birthday serenades.)
I have spent countless hours pondering, analyzing, and discussing the current status of my life at age 28 over the duration of the summer. This had led to my summer of big epiphanies and big decisions.
Maybe it was realizing the all the best love stories I told were those of others, and not my own. Maybe it realizing that all the men I did "date" this past year were not what I am looking for, deserve or even found that attractive. I was settling for what I thought I could "get" rather than what I ached for: someone that made my heart beat like crazy, that held my hand with gentleness, that was so extremely passionate about his job or hobbies that I could just stand back in awe and do what I love and do best: be supportive, and that I could talk to, relate to, and feel safe with. I've been told often by dear friends that the man who would finally steal my heart would be an incredible man. And I agree.
(Where are you?)
But how do I find that Incredibleness if I am hiding? Scared of getting hurt, rejected and unsure that the wonderfulness I know I possess could be seen and appreciated by another. So, I made the decision to stop hiding. Okay, so I am still figuring out what the looks like, but I am taking baby steps.
I also made the major decision to return to school and finish my bachelor's degree. I had been talking about doing this for the past year or so, but talk means nothing until you finally muster the courage to call the admissions office. I won't start classes until the end of September, and honestly, I haven't even registered yet. Dealing head-on with a little hurdle called "paying off the student account" first. $200 to go.
The school decision led to another decision to step down from the leadership team for the young adult ministry at my church. A ministry I have poured into for as long as I have attended the church and loved dearly. It seems ironic that I must leave college ministry to return to college, but in so many ways... I know it was the right thing to do.I probably should have done it a lot earlier. I am finding now an exciting (and intimidating) freedom with my time. (Of course this will dramatically change once school begins.)
I know this is only the beginning. My friend and boss forewarned me that this year was going to be a year of decisions. (Hopefully not alluding to insider boss knowledge about my job, eeks.) All I can say (with some nervous excitement) is: bring it on!
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