looking into the mirror

Upon thumbing through the study book, Starting Point: Find Your Place in the Story, in search of inspiration to create "graduation certificates" for those who attended and completed the new believer's class at Abundant Life church (which used the Starting Point curriculum), I ran across this quote by Lesslie Newbigin, a bishop and Christian theologian who is known for his study in missiology, ecumenism, and the Gospel and the Culture. (I used Wikipedia. I really didn't know all that on my own. Seriously. I had to look up ecumenism too.)

The quote read:

The answer to the question "Who am I?" can only be given if we ask "What is my story?" and that can only be answered if there is an answer to the further question, "What is the whole story of which my story is a part?"

I have to believe asking oneself the question: "Who Am I?" is about as common as looking in the mirror. It's reflective, self-analytical and not always pleasant. Sometimes our reflection--what we see after self-diagnosis--is a person unrecognizable, unhappy or stuck in life. That's half-empty approach, of course. The perception clouded with negative tapes, bad decisions, confusion, and unmet expectations. (And it's my belief that this perception is usually not the perception seen by others.)

Sometimes, and I hope more often than not, what we see when we look in the mirror is a beautiful (or handsome, if you are a man, haha) creation of God. Bound with His love with a purpose to change the world as only God created us to do. But who am I kidding. When I look in the mirror, it's usually to apply makeup, make magic with my hair, or confirm if my outfit-of-the-day is passable. It's superficial and based on my hope that when others see me, I am approved. When I really, really look in the mirror… and not just the mirror above my bathroom sink—but when I look deep within myself and ask those hard introspective questions… more often than not, my immediate response is a mind-numbing: uuuuhhhhhhhh. Usually followed with a: hmmmmm. And ending with an: errrrrrrm.

It's like when people ask you "So, what do like to do for fun?" and you know the true answer is: read, play on the computer, organize things, clean, play with the cat, go out to dinner, and occasionally spend some time outside… but you think you need to answer: "I like to sky dive every weekend, after I ride my bike for 20 miles and prepare gourmet organic meals. And then I go to random concerts in the trendy parts of Portland, hobnob with musicians and artists and business professionals… blah blah blah."

It's an exciting world in my head. Really. If you are a regular reader to my blog, you know this too well. If you are a dear friend of mine… well, you know it better than I do. (My friends are wonderful listeners; they know I am a verbal processor.) What I loved about the bishop's quote, is that it took the focus away from just asking "who am I?" where my response might be to write: Christ-follower, woman, friend, daughter, Abundant Life Admin, American, Oregonian, Kia Owner, Cat Lover, writer, reader, movie-watcher… and well, the list can go on and on… and all good things for this exercise.

But rather than listing labels, he asks us to take us out of the bubble we live in so well, and to think about the world around us… the storyline of our life. How was I raised? What did I study in school? What do I enjoy? Who do I love, want to spend time with? What brought me to this point right now? Who have I hurt? Who has hurt me? What made me, me? Who are the characters in my life that bring my story meaning and substance?

I absolutely love the movie, The Holiday, with Kate Winslet, Jack Black, Jude Law and Cameron Diaz. (Rent it! if you haven't seen it yet!) I identify to Kate's character a lot. She is not living her life fully and it makes her sad and frustrated and stuck in a relationship she gets no satisfaction from (singing this as I type!) It takes befriending an old Hollywood legend and writer and hearing what he sees when he looks at her… someone who is not the star of her own life… but rather support cast for others. (Not that being supportive and helpful is always a bad thing!!) But Kate's character found that she was stuck and unhappy. In the storyline of her life… she identified herself as support cast. Not living life fully.

I realize as I type all these rambles out, how self-focused this sounds… haha… but do you ever really consider the impact YOU have had in the lives of others? "We express our hope for that day (when we are reunited with Christ in Heaven) when we pursue intimacy with God and community with others who are on the same journey." (Page 116) We are to step back and not only think of our own little story but HOW OUR STORY FITS IN WITH ALL THE OTHER STORIES. We must evaluate how our own story plays in not just other's lives, but how even further, how all these stories plays into the grand scheme of life and eternity. "When you really examine the story of us, it's clear that the storyline points to a place called eternity." (page 117)

I also know that many of our actions and influences are to be never really known… but that there is a faith and trust in God that comes from just living each day… with hope and intention to bring glory to His name… and also, to live out the purpose and story that has been written for us.

Eternity. Forever. And ever. Amen.

I do know... I want my story to be a good one. :)

Comments

[alyssa]

Love you Cori!
Just wanted to say that I think you do have a good story, and I'm so glad I get to be a little part of it. :) I have a David Crowder song on repeat right now as I'm catching up on some blog reading - Never Let Go - and it was cool to read your thoughts and be reminded through them and the song how closely God is walking with us in our stories, and how cool it is that he brings us along with other people to share in the "joy and pain, sun and rain..." Anyways, I think you're amazing and I'll see you in a bit! :)