the soaps

Confession: I know my Soaps. I may not know Jesus' timeline at instant recall... but I certainly know the family tree for the Horton's and the Brady's (Days of Our Lives). I can tell you who's been married to whom on All My Children, and even my head spins at thinking of the drama that unfurls when Sonny goes "mob boss" on General Hospital.

My current favorite "stories" are on One Life to Live. Everyone is getting married right now! Relationships are twisted and tangled and mesy because, really, Nora should be marrying Bo! And, goodness, Gigi's sister needs to go back to Vegas like yesterday so Gigi can be with Rex, and they can live happily ever after.

I have a nigling suspicion that more of you than care to admit know just as much about the daytime drama as I. Blame it on the cold that kept you home from work and "it was the only thing on" (whatever makes you feel better) but I know I am not alone.

There are only four Soaps I pay attention to (perhaps four too many?), though, because of the line up of what's re-aired on Soapnet (hmm, do I need to confess this too?) sometimes I end up knowing more about The Young and the Restless than I would like... They're all so boring on that show... ugh! Who cares about art thieves and hostile big business takeovers!  (If you are a Y&R fan, I apologize. I really am intrigued by the Nina-Where's-Philip's-body-storyline.)

You really don't even need to watch the shows when they first broadcast -- between the web, Soapnet, and my mom: one is covered.

(Yes, I inherited "Soaps" from my mother.)

My first, favorite couple was Jack and Jennifer from Days of Our Lives. This was when I was nine. Yes, nine. Girls today have Hannah Montana, me: I had the cast of Days. I remember vividly a family vacation to Colorado Springs where I begged and pleaded my dad find a tv set on a certain day so I would not miss Jack and Jennifer's "Wild West Wedding." (Their first wedding.) Even now, I miss them on the show... and wish they'd come back -- Jenn's so-seriousness and Jack's ridiculous antics. Oh goodness. Seriously?!

I even remember (pretty darn clearly) the first time I saw a couple "making love" on tv (usually when people kissed on tv or in movies, I covered my eyes dramatically... sometimes I still feel the need.) It was traumatizing. It was on Days with Eve and Nick and I SAW EVE'S BLACK BRA! Shocking! I was so embarassed and ashamed, and it was several, SEVERAL years later when I told my mom about it (and she undoubtedly felt bad for polluting her daughter's mind.) You'd think I'd be more messed up now... shush.

My mom's favorite couple was Bo and Hope, also from Days. Though, I admit I was a Bo and Billie fan in the Lisa Rinna days. I mean, who knew if Hope was really Hope anyways-- until she could open the puzzle box, she was just Princess Gina-- I believe there was some art thievery involved with her too...

I remember Marlena's possession (scary yellow demon eyes!), when she returned from the dead, her off and on again love affairs with Roman and John as Roman and then with John and Roman again and then John... I think John just died too?... Before seriel killers hit Pine Valley every other month (how many people must die really?) and when Jason wasn't a mobster-- before the brain damage and he was just a nice Quartermaine boy. I remember Luke and Laura, can tell you the love song for Bo and Hope (Tonight, I celebrate my love to you...) and all of Sami's escapades--- and how she used to be a bigger girl and had a eating disorder-- but I read in real life, she stopped drinking diet Coke (or something) and lost a bunch of weight. And now she hosts Biggest Loser when she's not popping out babies for EJ or Lucas on her Soap job.

I can go on. I mean, that is the beauty of a good soap. The story never ends. There's always a plot twist: a twin, a switched lab result, a rising from the dead and a love story that captures the heart and imagination. Now, I don't know why after weeks of no posts, I sit down and type this confession. God has been doing some pretty crazy, exciting stuff in my life. Why not dwell on that? I haven't even watched tv- let alone Soaps- for weeks! Who has time! (Strangely, I still know what's going on... how is that possible?)

Maybe because my own life has seemed like a soap opera? With love brewing all around, my friend-boss leaving for the mission field (Hola Mexico City!), and frequent visits to the local hospital to visit a dear friend--where sadly the doctors and nurses are nothing like those in Port Charles. Seriously! And, of course, with the constant pace that begs for a commercial break. Is every month sweeps?

I know it's silly to get caught up in these fictitious stories... they aren't real, they fill your mind with unrealistic fantasy and suck your time that could be better spent, I don't know, reading the just-as-crazy-and-amazing stories from the Bible or spending time praying for and with friends in their own topsy-turvy lives.

Something to think about, I guess. In the meantime, what do you all think about Sonny and Olivia? (Kidding.)

Comments

[Korrin]

I had no idea...

[Cori]

Really? I've kept my secret Soaps watching that secret?

[Korrin]

I think it is more the extent that surprised me. I think it is about the same as when I tell people that I snowboard.

[Cori]

I wouldn't normally brag about watching soap operas... bragging about snowboarding is much, much cooler.